Two of my children started new schools this week – one senior, one 6th form – both were dreading the change in their own way; something I empathise deeply with.
I actually love the idea of change but the reality less so – facing new people and places and the whole conscious incompetence puts me on high alert.
I know it doesn’t last long, in fact both children came home after the first couple of days pretty positive, having clearly got over the fear of change, which is usually much worse than the reality.
Being apprehensive of something new like school, where you will need to fit in and adapt to new ways of operating, is one thing. But it’s different leaving something to go to nothing – at least nothing in the short term.
Or nothing nearly as concrete and structured and well-understood as a job.
Two of the people on my group coaching extension (called ‘Carry on Escapology’) handed in their ID passes and their laptops last week to embark on new lives. But neither have defined yet what those new lives will look like.
They’ve got ideas, plans and dreams – and through the coaching I’m helping them bring more clarity to these, as well as giving them space and all the benefits of community (advice, experience, challenge, support) to process the change and get ready for what’s next.
But ‘nothing’ can be terrifying. The idea of it especially.
My last day was 30th November (four years ago) and I had little expectation I’d do much during the December. But I was deeply conscious of January looming. And the self-imposed pressure to have all the answers, as well as a 90 day plan, a 9-5 frame laid out with activities, lines to impress former colleagues and future clients.
I had to be coached out of this. By my no nonsense coach Miffa who called this “unintelligent thinking”. It probably was, but it was also inescapable given what I’d known before, the routines and rules – and the expectations I had of myself as a “pretty fly for a corporate guy”.
The power of the group coaching is that advice comes from all quarters. I’d advised one of the guys who’d left last week to build structure into his day. Someone else cautioned “Don’t forget to carve out some space.” I then said, “Build some space into your daily structure”. Someone else said, “I use Trello to plan out my week – and then I can use it to look back”.
Real-world experience shared in a matter of minutes, leaving the chap free to decide what he’ll choose to do.
As I said last week, I’ve been blown away by the power of group coaching.
And how quickly people who only know each other (mostly) in this forum can get quite vulnerable with one another. It’s like we’ve all quickly realised we’ll get so much more out of the session (now fortnightly) if we don’t BS each other (and ourselves) and we let it all out.
I used that lovely word liminal in one of my blogs before the summer – it’s the in-between spaces where you’re neither one thing or another. And it’s both an exciting place and a terrifying place.
A bit like the first day of a new school.
But not quite. Because staying in that liminal space might be good for you, even if it’s uncomfortable. Even if every part of you wants to jump to something stable and recognisable and safe.
Live inside the change a bit longer. Good things will happen.
If you know someone going through this kind of change who might need a safe place to work out what’s next, I’m running Escapology Live again from September 16th – five weekly calls, with exercises, curated discussions and some fascinating, like-minded people.
Corporate Escapology was spotted in Waterstones Brussels (next to one of my hero Seth Godin’s books) this week which was pretty exciting! If you haven’t given it a (hopefully five star) review on Amazon I would be eternally grateful. I missed my 50 reviews by end August, so could you help me get it for September?