It’s been ten days since my last “Reflections” post on the #AtoZChallenge was published here on the blog! A lot has been happening since April that has kept me occupied through the challenge—and frankly, I didn’t have the leisure to ponder upon those issues then. It is only now, that I’ve had the chance and the opportunity to reflect on myself and have come to realise that I must hit the pause button and go for a quiet reset!
So, here I am—looking at myself and looking at life and wondering if I can recall the exact time when the exhaustion started piling up. I’m also asking myself—what do I choose during this pause, so as to feel energised and enthusiastic again?
To begin with—there is a lot of work that I’ve got to do on myself now—that is my very first realisation. A few health issues that have been causing me sleepless nights also need to be addressed. So, time for blood work. But, also beyond that, I need to know exactly what are those things that are draining me so much?
I’m proud of myself for having shown up at work even on those difficult days when I had to drag myself to get on with the days but now it’s time to have some well-earned rest…so, a period of ease and a break is on the cards…it’s time for a mind-body-spirit rejuvenation —I totally need that. The other day, someone told me that when one is healing, such exhaustion is normal, so might I then assume, this all this is part of my healing journey?
I do hope it is.
Lately, journalling and exercising have both taken a back seat—I’m easing myself back into a routine very slowly, emphasising more on the rest and the sleep above everything else. I’ve been decluttering a lot recently, and whilst it can be extremely therapeutic, all that work can also take its’ toll on the stamina, given that the decluttering process has been a long-winded thing, stretching over weeks, if not months.
Again, I’m not rushing and not having to prove myself to anyone, anymore. I am where I am. It’s my journey. I’m going at my pace. Savouring the stillness, the silence and the serendipity that comes with the years.
I’ve started enjoying my mindful moments even when one part of me would love to go out for coffee with a bunch of friends. I’m enjoying lying on bed and silently admiring the rhythmical stirring of the celing fan—without having to reach out to a gadget or keep myself engaged. Infact, I’m learning that the daily rhythms of life can be engaging and mindful too!
I’m watching out of the window, savouring the uneventful days, no longer waiting for a friend to call or drop in. There is no need to keep doing something all the time. I’d just like to be. Just be me. And it’s okay.
Recently, I read something, that deeply resonated with my current frame of mind. I’m sharing it here. Do let me know if you like it or if it resonates. Here goes:
Don’t Do Anything. Just Rest.
Don’t fall into the trap of believing that doing nothing means doing nothing for yourself.
We’ve been conditioned to believe that not being productive is somehow a failure.
That if it doesn’t have a visible outcome, it doesn’t count.
That rest is wasted time.We’ve become so used to being busy —
to checking off boxes,
to tracking our progress,
to measuring worth in output —
that we’ve forgotten something essential: Rest is productive.It’s the moment your body heals.
Your mind exhales.
Your soul whispers.
Reading a magazine.
Taking a long shower.
Sitting in the garden with a warm cup of coffee.
None of it is a waste.
Because time spent resting… is time well spent.We’re not machines.
We’re not meant to hustle 24/7.
We are human beings.
And sometimes, we just need to be.— Becky Hemsley
Today, it took me quite an effort to pull myself into action, weighed down as I am by mental fatigue and a numbing inertia, as if mourning the loss of a certain lightness of being, that used to fill me with excitement and enthusiasm; make me want to jump out of bed and do all the wonderful things that I’d have on my list. Something feels amiss and yet, I am acutely aware but unable to pin it down to something concrete!
But, I know, this too shall pass. It will take me a while but I will come back to being myself, feeling whole again, buoyant and bustling with ideas and things to do, to write about, sky watching, grabbing photographs and going for long walks again. I most definitely will find my mojo back. What do you think?
It’s only a pause, I tell myself. Just a reset. That’s all.
How have you been? How was the month of April for you? And how is May panning out? Do you also go through these phases as I’m, currently? How do you deal with it? I might try out something different, if that helps, so all suggestions are welcome! 🙂