You feel guilty, although you have done nothing. For some reason he is silent, although the courtesy herself was the guests. You want everything to become good again: after all, your relationship began as in a fairy tale and he said that you are the best of what happened to him in life. Changes take place gradually, for that he and the manipulator. But there are the first bells – the phrases dropped in passing, which only he can pronounce.
1. You are gradually isolated from family and friends
– Why do you need to go to your sister? You went last week.
– She was never discharged from the hospital.
– I repeat: you already went to her.
Or a softer option – from personal experience: “Well, why do you need to meet the graduates when I and I will be sad at home?"And it acts!
The time you spent without it is equated with mortal sin. If you still go – it doesn’t matter, to friends or relatives, then, having returned home, take him in a bad mood and listen to sarcastic comments all evening.
This is very unexpected at first, and you are completely sincerely trying to cheer him up. In fact, your absence for the manipulator means a loss of attention, which should be completely directed to his person, and loss of control over you.
The ability to proceed is another distinguishing feature of the narcissistic personality. If the daffodil and the manipulator suddenly begins to suspect you of treason for no reason or somehow reacts strangely to the calls of your colleagues, it is very likely that it is in it.
2. He conveys reviews about you – and they are not always real
Gradually, some “everything” begin to participate in your conversations: “Everyone says that you somehow looked at me yesterday”, “Everyone knows that I used to be a cheerful guy”. Be sure, this unknown character is fixed for a long time.
It doesn’t even occur to us to check whether this “collective mind” was really told about us?
Meanwhile, new actors appear: his classmates who see how he changed after meeting you, his colleague, who says that she would be happy if she had such a husband … Even your friends sometimes add something to this choir (in his retelling).
Favorite phrase of the manipulator-"This https://globalpharmacy24.com/drug/cenforce-professional is all because of you". It is not necessarily pronounced, but implied
Keep in mind that in reality these people could not say anything at all. When you ask directly your common acquaintance, it may well turn out that it is so. If you say about this to your home manipulator, you will receive an excellent answer: “Of course no one will admit. Why did you ask them at all? What stupidity ".
3. The rules are created to observe them. You
He changed, and you must forgive him. If you had not spent so much time on a child, he would not feel lonely and did not look for warmth and sympathy. He has needs, and you neglected them.
If you rush to satisfy these needs, it turns out that they are bottomless and have no specific boundaries: he needs all of you. Whatever you do, it is assumed that you did not do. We will never come to your needs. If you happen to smile or joke with someone, be prepared for harsh questioning about your betrayal.
4. He will compete with you
You find an amazing thing, but like any healthy person, at first, just refuse to draw parallels between what is happening. For example, you sing well – and he suddenly interrupts you at parties and begins to sing himself. You are sick and want to lay down, but by evening he also gets sick and asks to cook him warm broth and bring grapes.
The truth is that you cannot be better (more) of your satellite. You started telling something to friends, and he says: "Not so, let me tell you"? Here you have the first bell.
And no jokes about his appearance! Passing by the mirror, Narcissus is convinced only that it is beautiful. If he slipped and you laughed (well, we are from childhood!), for a moment you will catch his openly evil look on yourself and understand that you made a mistake again.
"Manipulation mechanisms"
To collect the material for this book, the psychologist Robert Levin had to temporarily abandon the familiar life of the cabinet scientist and plunge into the environment of those who have been deceiting their profession.
5. He loves to complain and seek sympathy
His sister once forgot to come to him at all. Colleagues refused to replace him when it was necessary to leave. In general, he is surrounded by some morons.
Over time, it turns out that the sister at that moment was lying with the flu, and at work, colleagues have long exhausted the Limit of patience after he failed several times. Of course, it is impossible to live, doubting everything, but the frequent complaints and the manner of an unrecognized genius should alert you.
6. He will want to "improve" you
Favorite phrase of the manipulator-"This is all because of you". It is not necessarily pronounced, but it is implied very often. For example: he forgot the keys because you did not remind. He left for the weekend because he became bored.
As soon as the honeymoon (or year) ends, as this happens in all couples, emotions and enthusiasm are replaced by another, calmer phase of relations. Everyone goes through the lapping phase, and here – attention! – The manipulator begins to slowly look for ways to "improve" you. Do not miss this moment, especially if you already have a low self -esteem. This begins with harmless comments – “Oh, what a funny hat”, or “What kind of spot is it on your face?".
Gradually you develop your own style and manner of dressing with an eye on your companion. And you get his verdict: "NDA …"
7. All his ex – monsters
Two favorite topics of the Narcissus and a hidden manipulator: all his “ex” turned out to be monsters and in everything that happened was their fault. He suffers very much. But he can handle it. If you ask how this happened, a detailed story will follow, by the end of which you will want to take this kitten in your hands and protect it from this cruel world.
8. He loves to punish in silence
In any healthy relationship, everyone needs time to be alone. The introvert is simply vital, the extrovert can take a timeout for a short time to think about something or “cool” after a many hour fun. Several minutes pass, and you are ready to see each other again and communicate, as if nothing had happened. This happens spontaneously, and the partner himself will say that he wants to stay for some time.
Not with the manipulator. He falls silent unexpectedly and for a long time and will never say why. You must guess yourself and pray for forgiveness. Although you did not make visible misconduct and, most likely, did something that made him feel something below you. Such proud silence is just one way to control you.
9. He himself is courtesy, and … nothing more
– Please help my son with mathematics, I’ll be back today late.
(In the evening everyone meets you in a good mood, but the lessons are not done.)
Pay attention to what your partner says – and what he does. Manipulators are often very charming and at the stage of dating and “seduction” surround you with royal care. This period, unfortunately, is short. It doesn’t matter why it ended – he became bored, he received from you everything he planned, he had new interests.
The manipulator will not rudely refuse you, but something will not hasten for you either for you. This is how it is repeated dozens of times, and it does not bother him at all.
10. Disobedience will be punishable
Every time you violate his rules, you will definitely let you know about it. The wounded ego of the narcissistic personality is very painful, and he will allow you to feel this pain in full. At first it will be emotional violence. Which will definitely follow the reconciliation. But the general pattern is such that each new blow will be stronger. In fact, this begins the transition from normal healthy relations to relations based on violence. From emotional to verbal violence. From him to physical.
You will ask how you can not notice such obvious things? It is possible, and this happens completely.
We think that we have found love, and is joyfully preparing to understand, forgive and support in grief and in joy. The manipulator, on the other hand, receives a human copy at its disposal, which must be unobtrusively taught to be as it should.
Try to pay attention to all these signs that indicate a narcissistic person who is prone to manipulation, even at the dating stage. After all, everything that is important ultimately is your emotional health.