It’s never easy living with flatmates. All that making conversation over frying onions in the kitchen. Having to awkwardly interact with their situationships in the corridors. The fact that none of your cutlery or furniture ever seems to match or make sense together. Which is why, moving in with my partner five years ago felt like a dream—I was euphoric, almost. Finally, I thought, after decades of living with anywhere from two to six people, some of whom sieve their rice over the sink, it is now my turn to make a proper home.
But, listen, moving in with a partner isn’t always a walk in the park, either—especially not at first. You’re essentially blending your space and lives together, which can take some getting used to, even if you’ve been together for years. Both my wife and I, for example, have so many clothes between us that I sometimes worry that, one day, the clothes will simply fall off of their respective racks and we’ll both be crushed and buried beneath a pile of vintage bomber jackets, jeans and sweatshirts, never to be seen again. But anyway, I digress. Moving in with my partner: not easy.
Sometimes I wish my present self was able to give my past self some pointers when it came to moving in with a partner. That’s not possible, for “the passage of time” reasons. But I can help others. To that end, if you’re thinking about it or are about to embark on it, here’s everything you need to know about moving in with a significant other.
Dinner becomes a whole thing
Maybe “dinner” to you means grabbing some pasta on the way home or whatever, or having a plate of miscellaneous items while watching TV. Simple enough, right? After moving in with a partner, however, all of that changes. In other words: prepare to be asking “What should we have for dinner?” every day for the rest of your days. You’ll find yourself Googling “what to do with chickpeas” on the bus home, or “easy weeknight meals involving fish” as if it’s a second job. No more weirdo girl dinners for you! This is less a piece of advice and more just something to be aware of. Maybe learn a couple of go-to recipes ahead of time? It wouldn’t hurt.
Compromise, compromise, compromise
If, like me, you are highly neurotic to the point of undiagnosed neurodivergence, compromising can be the hardest part of sharing a home with a significant other. But it’s important to remember that it’s their home too, so you have to bend a little (or a lot). For example, my partner favours austere, almost industrial furniture, whereas I prefer a sense of cosiness. As such, we’ve had to meet in the middle (our wardrobe is a big metal cage, but we still have a nice velvet throw on the bed). This is probably the most important thing to remember—and become good at—before moving in with a partner. In other words: pause on the Pinterest board that only you have access to.
Don’t sweat the small stuff
There will definitely be times when you are annoyed. Maybe one of you always forgets to put food waste in the food waste bin, or the other doesn’t put the washing up away enough so now there’s a stack of dishes on the rack that’s so huge and teetering that you can barely see. It doesn’t really matter. Life is difficult enough without getting overly stressed out about minor house stuff that can be fixed with a gentle reminder (saying that, I could do with taking my own advice on this one).
Beware of becoming a singular unit
After moving in with a partner, it can be tempting to just spend all your time with them, having sex and watching Netflix and saying all the weird words and phrases that only the two of you understand. But, look, you’re still separate entities with separate interests, and it’s very important—and healthy—to continuously remember that. Make sure to carve out time to see friends or family without your partner on a regular basis, and encourage them to do the same. On the flip side, of course, you don’t want to create too much distance. Balance is key—you’ll know in your gut if you are leaning one way or the other. Which brings me neatly to…
Stay imaginative
Again, it can be easy to just hang out at home—what’s the point of date night if every night is date night, am I right girls? Wrong! Even if you live together, it’s important to carve out time to do fun stuff outside the house, because it will feel harder than before. I like to coerce my partner into going to restaurants, and we both love a gig. Forgive me for sounding like an ancient wench who’s been married for one thousand years as opposed to just one, but date night keeps things sexy and exciting, and that needn’t change even after you live together. And finally…
Take turns being a brat
One of the main things I’ve learned about living with a partner is that there will be some days when you are tired, stressed and/or irritable, and there will be some days when they are tired, stressed and/or irritable and it’s important to remember that you will mostly just need to take turns feeling like this so that you can take care of the other and just hope that your tired, stressed and/or irritable days don’t match up more than a few times a year.