Context: Samantha Ruth Prabhu, Naga Chaitanya (Chay), and Sobhita Dhulipala are professional Indian actors.
Samantha Ruth Prabhu and Naga Chaitanya had a fairytale romance and wed in 2017. Their fans were still oohing and aahing over their seemingly lovey-dovey relationship and their perfect marriage, ChaySam was the nickname bestowed on them, when the couple abruptly announced their separation and eventually divorced in 2021. Speculations moved thick and fast about the reasons for their divorce (Chay cheating on Samantha. An ambitious Samantha not ready to have a child and more) Nonetheless, Samantha and Chay maintained a stoic silence over the demise of their marriage.
Naga Chaitanya married Sobhita Dhulipala in 2024, months after the rumor mill churned out stories that they were a couple. Noteworthily, neither of them confirmed nor denied those rumors. However, they shocked everyone by announcing their engagement in the latter half of 2024 and marrying in December 2024.
Sobhita was immediately labeled a home wrecker, a manipulative woman who was the reason for the breakup between Chay and Samantha, and these were the kinder names she was addressed by. The comments sections of their wedding photographs shared on social media are choc-a-bloc with vile comments where Sobhita has been called a transgender, she has been cursed that this marriage won’t last and Chay will divorce her and return to Samantha. It has been repeatedly pointed out that Chay doesn’t look happy with Sobhita during his wedding and after, that only Samantha can make him happy, and so forth.
Disclaimer: I am not a fan of Samantha, Chay, or Sobhita. However, this convoluted ‘love triangle’ and the reaction of their respective ‘fan armies’ have intrigued me enough to share my view on it, and on marriage as it is perceived in India.
Marriage is a beautiful bond where two people meet, fall in love, and decide to spend the rest of their lives together as man and wife.
In India, we also have the concept of an Arranged Marriage, where the families, and in some cases friends, introduce two people and they meet, get to know each other (if they are lucky and have ‘broad-minded’ families who allow them to do so) and marry.
Over the years the concept of Marriage has changed all over the world. In India however, it is still a tradition-bound concept.
Yes, even if it is a ‘love marriage’.
Almost every love marriage is sure to have an interesting back story of how the couple, or at least one half of it had to put up a fight to be accepted by their partner’s family. For some this struggle morphs into a ‘cute story’ which is told and retold, making it sound more and more romantic with each repetition.
Reading about the Samantha, Chay, and Sobhita stories, back stories and more has made me realize that like everything that we are upgrading in life, the idea of marriage needs to be upgraded as well. The world is changing and so are we. Marriage is an institution that has been around for thousands of years and is likely to continue for the same amount of time. Why then are we expecting it to remain the same and not change?
Marriage is NOT forever: It is a relationship that binds two people but can also become a toxic bond that imprisons two people who are no longer right for each other.
No one marries with the thought that their relationship might end. Forever is a hopeful thought that each couple starts with. However, this thought of forever becomes an albatross when the couple registers that their marriage isn’t working.
What transpires between a couple is something only they know. Similarly, only Samantha and Chay know what changed in their relationship. The fact that they decided to end their marriage, which was seemingly perfect in the eyes of the world, shows that it was what they thought was needed.
A long-lasting marriage does not necessarily translate to a happy and healthy one.
I have often heard people quoting how their parents and grandparents had long-lasting marriages. No one pauses to reflect if those were out of choice or the lack of it. Struggles, pain, compromises, and similar efforts are seen as selfless rewards to make a marriage work. Marriage is what you need to work on, every single day. However, if one spouse is doing all the work to save the marriage, the relationship starts getting fractured. Knowing when to pull the plug on a marriage that is floundering takes courage. Chay and Samantha were wise enough to have that courage.
People are either incompatible or outgrow each other.
Sometimes in marriages, two incompatible people come together, with the hope that the other will eventually change. Marrying a potential is the biggest risk one can take.
Marry people for who they are and what they are when you meet them. Accept them as they are. Change is inevitable. But when two people decide to support each other through all the changes, that’s when you both can grow together and form a successful relationship.
Marriages can fail.
Yes, they can. They do. At times even after the couple has tried everything to save it. This stage is the true test of the character of the couple involved.
This is the time you can choose to end the relationship with grace. The other option is letting the marriage continue even as the relationship rots and festers, its toxicity seeping into every part of your life and being.
For reasons best known to them Samantha and Chay decided to end their marriage and to give them credit, they did it in the most dignified manner. When they have decided to do and accepted it, why can’t their fans?
Failure of a marriage is not the failure of the individuals involved
I remember watching an interview where Samantha mentioned that she was labeled as ‘used’ ‘second hand’ ‘divorcee’ and similar hurtful terms. Why wasn’t Chay labeled as such? After all his marriage has ended too.
Samantha was diagnosed with a rare illness post-divorce. Chay’s fan army labeled it ‘karma for using Chay and breaking his heart’.
A lot of people fear ending a bad marriage due to the way they will be perceived and treated by the world when they do so. ‘Keep trying/keep working on your marriage’ is the advice doled out generously, ironically almost always by those who are in unfulfilled marriages themselves.
Smart people know when to quit, whether it is a bad job or a bad marriage, as staying in a place where you are not happy, you are not respected, and your needs are not being met just chips away at your self-worth. As for what society will say, let them. Today the subject of discussion is you, tomorrow it will be someone else.
People move on post-divorce
The thing about life is that it goes on even when you hit the pause button. There are commitments to be followed, bills to be paid, promises to keep and dreams to be realized. Naturally, people hurt, heal, and eventually choose to move on. Yes, people even fall in love once again.
That seems like blasphemy to many.
This is the reason why Sobhita is being targeted. Because Sobhita was the one Chay decided to move on with, whereas Samantha is still single. Both seem like choices the individuals in question made but have their fans sitting in judgment.
The love you have for your partner stays if it is fueled by care, love, and respect.
However, it changes form if it is met by resistance, disrespect, or nonchalance.
Continuing in an unhappy marriage for the sake of families, or children, or the fear of what society will say will eventually snuff out your spirit and fill you with resentment.
If you decide to get married, then you must also have the maturity and patience to try and make it work. However, this is fair only when your partner, and if needed both the families, are doing their part in it as well. If one partner is holding up their end of the responsibilities and making all the efforts, putting in all the work without any reciprocation from the other, then that partner is bound to tire someday.
Suffering and stifling in a bad marriage are considered noble. Choosing not to is labeled selfish. It takes two people to make a marriage work but sometimes it takes only one to destroy it.
If their fans claim to love Samantha and Chay then they should continue to love them irrespective of who they are with. If two people decide to end their relationship, then the best thing that you can do is respect that and have the grace to allow them to live out that choice.
Marriages may be made in heaven however they have to be endured here on earth.