Turning a long distance relationship into a marriage isn’t an easy task, especially when it involves your family. But, we managed to do it. Ending almost 11 years of long distance struggle, we finally married each other in a beautiful Indian wedding ceremony surrounded by our family and friends. This blog is my ode to the journey we have had so far.
If you have read my previous blog on long-distance relationships, you’d know the bits and pieces of the relationship I share with my partner.
In this blog, I am giving you the inside details of how we managed to convince our families, close the distance on our decade-long relationship, and finally get married. Yay!
It all started in October 2022. I was 26 and my parents started looking for a suitable boy to get me married.
Arranged marriages are quite the norm in India. Until now it was all fun and talks but things took a serious turn when my father invited one of his friends with some marital prospects for me.
This was my cue that it was time to introduce my boyfriend to my family and tell them about our relationship.
Now, coming from a simple Indian family, it’s not always easy for a girl to start these talks with her family, especially with her father.
More often, daughters share quite an estranged relationship with their fathers. We love them to death but cannot be upfront when it comes to serious topics like marriage.
I knew I could not talk to my parents directly about my boyfriend. So, I approached my aunt to disclose the news while they began “groom hunting” for me.
And that’s when the journey of turning my long distance relationship into a marriage began.
Turning a long distance relationship into a marriage has been quite a norm in the West.
But, in India, couples still have a lot to face and fight when it comes to convincing their families. Parents struggle too to:
- Accept their child’s romantic relationship
- Turn that relationship into a marriage
- Overcome the fear of “what will people say”
This struggle springs from years and years of conditioning that condemns love marriage or having a relationship at all before marriage.
These are the things that cause people to even judge your character, especially if you’re a girl.
2025 is the 11th year of our relationship.
We had already waited for a decade before we decided to bring it up to our families and take it to the next step.
Being together yet so far, meeting once or twice a year, overcoming all those insecurities, trust issues, and arguments was not at all easy.
But now that I look back, it was all worth it.
And, if I had to do the distance part all over again, I’d do it in a heartbeat, only because I know this will be our life on the other side of the distance.
How Did My Parents React to My Long Distance Relationship?
The answer to this question in one word would be: betrayed.
My parents always thought I would marry the man of their choice, so when they discovered I already had someone in my life, they were taken aback.
Now going back to how I convinced them.
Well, with all honesty, more than me it was my partner and his parents who played a very significant role in convincing my family.
I was sure that it wouldn’t go well initially. I was so scared to reveal it to them but I also knew that I would not entertain any kind of “groom hunting”.
I was sure to not meet any other man.
When my aunt and uncle revealed it to my parents, they did not react at all.
Like I said above, they felt betrayed.
And I thought it was done. I AM DEAD. This won’t end well.
But, I was also sure that come what may I won’t marry anybody else.
It’s either him or it’s no one.
So, I made sure that when my aunt and uncle told my parents about my boyfriend, they also told them that I was dead serious about this man and that I was not marrying anybody else.
Contrary to my prejudice, my parents took it well in the initial days. They did not project their feelings of betrayal onto me.
But, as I was hoping, the emotional drama and all the “what will society say” kind of questions came out day by day.
I knew that all the talks wouldn’t do any good.
So, I gathered all the courage I could, prayed to the Universe, and asked my father to at least meet him.
My dad agreed and he came home to meet my family alone for the first meeting in August 2023.
It went well. In fact, it went more pleasant than I thought.
My father liked the guy and what can I say, I was happy that things were going well.
He asked him everything he wanted to know about him, his education, his career, his future prospects, his family, and most importantly, his family’s reaction and perception of me.
Well, to their surprise, his family has known about me since 2021. So, it wasn’t really an issue from their side.
This meeting concluded that our family would visit his home to meet his parents.
2 months went by and then the day came in October 2023.
We met his parents at his home. They explained everything clearly and helped my parents understand how serious both of us were for each other.
This mainly included sharing my partner’s perspective about our relationship.
The day he disclosed about me to his family, they also had a cold reaction.
But as he managed to convince them, he also made it clear that he would either marry me or he wouldn’t marry at all.
As we left their home, my parents were quite positive about the whole situation. They liked his family, they liked his home.
Once we reached home, the internal discussion among my family members began. And let me tell you it wasn’t a pleasant one. Things took quite a turn.
Then came the real issue, the real roadblock that was stopping them from going from lovers to a married couple: The Distance.
While my parents liked everything about him and his family, they could not digest the fact that I was willing to go 200 km away from them to spend the rest of my life.
I am the elder one in my family. So, as you can imagine, I was brought up with lots of love and pampering.
My dad never even allowed me to stay at any relative’s home for a night alone. But, here I was talking about moving to a different city, a different state. It’s about 4-5 hours of commute on one side.
I know this may not sound like a lot, but it was an issue for my parents.
After a lot of time, some heated arguments, and many sensible discussions, they were convinced.
On 29th December 2023 (the date that marked the decade of our relationship) his family came to our home and we did the roka ceremony; the Indian version of “making it official”. It was a simple, intimate ceremony with only the immediate family members.
How Long Did It Took Them to Accept My Partner?
The best part of this entire process was that even though both families had their inhibitions and insecurities about each other, as any stranger would have, they never projected those onto us.
The day it all became official, everyone around us was super happy that the wedding was finally happening.
The truth is it was the first wedding of my family.
All my cousins were desperately waiting for either me or my cousin to get married. So, when the news about my wedding broke out, everyone was elated.
Since January 2024, slow preparations began. Because the parents decided on a winter wedding.
Based on the Hindu religion, the finalized wedding date was 28th November 2024.
So, we practically had the entire year to think, prepare, and execute everything we had ever thought about D-day.
But as they say, good times don’t last too long.
In August 2024, there came a point when my entire world came crashing down.
A simple misunderstanding gave fire to all the insecurities my father had about the distance and the cultural differences.
The parents got into heated arguments and the atmosphere in our homes went from happy and excited to sad and confused.
This was the time around Teej.
Teej is an Indian festival where married women observe fasting and pray to Lord Shiva and Goddess Parvati. Also, the mother-in-law gifts clothes and accessories to their daughter-in-law.
Since we were headed towards the winter wedding, my in-laws visited us again and this time both the parents talked about everything in detail.
My husband made sure that both the parents cleared everything with each other so there was no confusion or debates about anything else going forward.
The tension ended and things were back to “let’s prepare for the wedding mode”.
Fast forward to today, we are completing 2 months of being married.
Trust me when I say this, I am going to need a separate blog to share all the wedding shenanigans with you.
But, before I end this blog, I need to answer a super important question today.
Can a Long-Distance Relationship Work?
My one-word answer would be: YES.
In fact, A BIG FAT YES!!!
We have been through every possible obstacle one could think of as a long-distance couple.
- Jealousy? CHECK
- Possessiveness? CHECK
- Trust Issues? CHECK
- Second Chance? CHECK
- Family Issues? CHECK
- Friends Issues? DOUBLE-CHECK
The truth is there will always be people and situations signaling you to give up and move on, but another truth is if it’s really meant to be, it will be.
If you’re in a long distance relationship trying your best to make it work, here’s an important read for you to understand if it’s worth the time and effort you’re willing to invest in.
What’s Next?
Honestly, a long distance relationship is not easy.
I believe it’s god’s way of putting you through the most difficult phase of a relationship.
It’s the universe testing to see if you’re really worth the beautiful phase that comes at the other side of the distance.
Now that I am living on the other side of the story, I can confidently say that the distance, the obstacles, and the problems all of them were worth it.
With that, if you’re also in a long distance relationship, feel free to drop your questions in the comments.
I’ll meet you in my next blog where I’ll take you through all the wedding festivities of a simple yet beautiful North Indian Wedding.
Until then, keep believing in love!!!